a calling?

Lately the idea of feeling "called" has been tossed around a lot in conversations I've been involved in...


"Well, I know God is calling me to this because he wouldn't put this longing in my heart and not fulfill it."

"I'm going to do this (against all wise counsel) because it's what I feel called to do."

"We should help them because God called them to this."


I believe that God can guide us toward certain paths, but lately this phrase feels like a catch-all reason to do something that might not otherwise be prudent. Who can argue if it's God's calling?

I see a couple problems with this attitude. First, I know that God gives us longings that He doesn't fulfill. I know many people who are, just like me, experiencing this first hand. Women who long for husbands or like me, children. God may or may not fulfill those wishes, and if he does, it may not be right away. To say that the longing equates to a call is a big jump... one that can lead to taking our own steps to fulfill that desire outside of God's will (I can't help but think of Abram and Sarai who decided to use their own methods to fulfill God's promise to them). Second, I believe God calls each of us to use discernment in our choices and to look to others in community to guide us to His truth. It's hard to look at your own life with clarity and without bias. That's why He gave us each other.

Another concern I see is that in scripture callings usually involve someone waiting or doing something they would rather not, not necessarily God giving them exactly what they want as soon as they want it. Abraham and Sarah had to wait years beyond what anyone would have believed possible for God to grant their wish with the birth of Isaac. Noah had to build an ark while all his neighbors thought he was losing his mind. Jonah certainly wasn't jumping to head to Ninevah. No one was called to frolic in the flowers or spend money they didn't have to buy things they did not need. Callings in the Bible weren't all fun and games.

Maybe I'm being hard on people. I definitely don't have all the answers... I just know that what I'm hearing does not fit well with what I know of scripture. It does, however, fit well with our society's desire for immediate gratification.

And now I'll stop ranting... I've had my say :-)

patience?

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

-Psalm 40: 1-2

I frequently get comments about my patience (surprisingly, not my lack thereof!). I've asked people to explain before because typically when someone compliments me, I feel anything but patient inside. I'm usually taking slow breaths and trying not to scream! The response I consistently receive is that no matter how frustrated I might be inside, I keep my composure in the moment. There are good and bad parts to that trait (like it's great in a classroom but a pretty bad way to do life), but I am generally glad that it's something people say about me.

I don't know what patience should look like on the inside. I imagine someone who's totally peaceful... serene... a person floating along on a cloud while things slowly occur around her. However, as this verse has spun through my head lately, I've started to see something pretty different. Waiting patiently isn't always such a calm, sedate time... it can be a time of earnestly crying out, of being hopelessly stuck in the mud.

I doubt the people who see me day to day would say that I've been drowning in quicksand the past few weeks. It doesn't necessarily show on the outside, but that's the most accurate way to describe what I've felt. I've sung the words of Psalm 40 through over and over in my mind, but I haven't found a firm place to stand. Just the opposite: every time I start to think I've found a foothold, I fall deeper into the pit.

I've been angry with God, and I've struggled to accept the challenges He's placed before me this week. I don't understand this path or this timing, and I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. I want rest, not a new problem to solve.

Is this patience? Maybe... maybe not. I'm waiting at any rate. Waiting, perhaps patiently, because I know my Lord hears my cries.