the path that was best

My posts haven't been the happiest as of late. I've had a lot of not so fun stuff going on with school starting and things just generally not going my way, but this weekend was awesome... so I'm going to try to be a little more positive.

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to two friends about God's plans (of course), and I made the comment that I knew God had a plan for me but I just wished I could see it right now. When I look at the people who've impacted me greatly, most of them aren't exactly where they wish they were, and while I know it's sometimes painful for them to not get what they want in life, I also see how God has used them to change my life. If they were living the lives they wanted with husbands and families, they wouldn't have been there to play the role God had for them in my life. Again, it's selfish, but it's easy for me to see that while God's plan may not be easy for them, it's definitely a good one, at least for my sake... and I wanted to see that in my own life. As my friends quickly reminded me, we don't always get to see why the plan is better, so I tried to put that desire out of my mind as something that just wasn't going to happen.

And that brings us to yesterday! After several months of scheduling and rescheduling and one conflict after another, I finally got to hang out with a friend I hadn't seen since before school started. We went for yogurt, but most of the afternoon was spent simply sitting in her living room talking (and laughing so hard I could hardly breathe). She knows me quite well, so when she asked how she could pray for me, I responded more honestly than I might have with someone else. I told her that I've been praying that I'd accept God's plan no matter what it is, even if it doesn't line up with my own, and then I told her the story about the women who've impacted me and how I wished that I could see God's plan so clearly in my own life. By that point I was tearing up, but she looked at me sort of questioningly and said, "You seriously don't see it?" I said no, and she replied, "You're that person to us."

Tears rolled down my cheeks as she kept talking, but even more than being touched by the sweet words she was saying, I was humbled that God gave me what I wanted. He let me see how the past few years of my life not going as I hoped had actually impacted someone else's life, and he showed me that despite my fussing, this plan was great. I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to go back and get my own way if it meant losing this relationship. I never would have chosen this path or even imagined it could exist, but it truly was the best one.

Getting this glimpse of God's plan doesn't totally take away the struggle of wanting my own way for my future, but it's definitely a huge encouragement that God's plan isn't just best for other people. He cares about me and has my best interests in mind, too. I'm grateful that he took the time to remind me and give me another moment to look back on the next time I start to doubt.