the joy of a new beginning

I'm ready to meet my new class.

Every year about this time I suddenly become overly excited about going back to work. I'm not sure what causes the miraculous change of heart, but it always happens. Maybe it's all the training I do over the summer, or perhaps it's just getting bored with time off. Whatever the cause, today the excitement hit.

Aside from Abydos, I've been reading lots of Lucy Calkins. She describes teaching with such love and devotion that it's hard not to get sucked in. The Art of Teaching Writing is a long, wordy book... it has the look of a college textbook and could definitely be used for that purpose (I think it actually was one of mine, though I long ago sold it back). Her Units of Primary Study are more easily accessible, short and to the point in general. I've immersed myself fully in both, and though I already knew Lucy Calkins was a brilliant educator, I've enjoyed "hearing" her voice and seeing her love for the craft. I'm inspired, and I have a renewed sense of purpose. I'm ready to get started.

Luckily this excitement has drowned out the frustration of finally getting the keys to my classroom only to find that it's empty (and being told I already have a parent waiting to meet me... can't be good!). I guess I'll deal with that on Friday!

On a totally different note, tomorrow is the day for the latest round of testing on my heart. I'm less worried than I thought I would be, but I'll still be glad when it's over. Hopefully everything will come back clear and the weight of worry will be lifted...

And now I must quit procrastinating and finish my final Abydos piece!

no, I didn't use ratiocination...

I've spent the last week and a half learning about the writing process and creating a fabulous piece to publish in our workshop anthology, but I have no intention of applying ANY of that tonight.

I finished the latest rewrite of my anthology piece (number five, maybe?) this afternoon as I sat cross-legged on the examining table in my cardiologist's office waiting to hear the results of my latest EKG. I knew it would be normal (they always are), but I almost hoped for an irregularity... something tangible to show what's going on silently inside my chest. Instead, I got the normal result I expected and a week to look forward to the next round of tests.

I'm thrilled to know that the doctor believes I have a healthy 26 year old heart... possibly a heart rhythm problem that can be easily treated, but nothing unmanageable... but in the back of my mind a persistent voice whispers doubt. What if it's not simple? What if there IS a serious problem? What if, what if, what if... it's an evil little question.

I have a feeling the what ifs will be hard to drown out this week. The anxiety that had ebbed a bit as the doctor calmly explained how the electrical system in my heart works and what he thought might be going on is slowly rising again, and suddenly I'm without words to express the fear that's tightening its grasp on me.

August 6 cannot come soon enough...

a long, long week

The first weeks back at work after summer always feel about three years long, and this one was no exception. I'm still loving Abydos... it's cathartic to have hours devoted to nothing but writing whatever I want... but the early mornings are killing me.

I'm spending the weekend with two of my favorite little girls... one of whom is playing the piano for me at the moment (sorry, P, we're up really late!!). We've had a fun evening. I've fed them far too much sugar and junk food, and I have plans of continuing this tomorrow along with letting them play with my Wii and watch the Disney Channel for hours on end... this is why they request me to babysit!

I'm being summoned to watch more tv, so I should finish up I guess.

Check out our friends Chris and Lindsay's blog... they could use your prayers.

the beginning of a journey

Today was the first day of my district's Abydos writing institute.

I've been VERY ambivalent about going for the past several weeks. I love writing, and I had heard this training was amazing. But, twelve days of training at the end of the summer is a huge commitment. I ended up going, and so far I have no regrets.

Tonight I have homework for the first time in five years, and rather than dread, I'm filled with excitement. The topic interests me, and I'm authentically engaged (I know, the WOW training is coming out!!)... something I could rarely say in the past. In fact, today as I worked on a project about my previous experiences as a writer, the overwhelming pattern was that I hated writing in school. I was told how to write. I was told what to write. I was told how long to write. Writing always felt like a chore... just another thing to check off the list. The assignments weren't authentic or important. There was no audience. I had no investment outside of getting a good grade. Today was different.

I could go on for hours about the writing I did today. I'm proud of it, even though much of it was atrocious. I explored ideas and started stories, and while many of them will never be finished, a few might. I felt safe in trying things out because I knew I wouldn't receive a grade or be forced to share when I didn't want to. I can't wait to go back tomorrow and write again... I've never been to a training like this.

I pride myself on making my classroom a safe and welcoming place. By all accounts I do, but after experiencing this for myself, I know I'll look closer at the words I say and the procedures I put in place. What a goal to strive for... that every child would be authentically engaged and internally motivated to learn. That classroom would be a true joy!

I can honestly say that I'm excited about teaching, and I haven't felt that in... well, a really long time.

I'm sure I'll have more to say over the next three weeks, but for now I'm going to rest. Even a fun day of training is long after this many weeks off.